TWO Babylons - Part 1

I have somewhat of a ministry for the Lord on Youtube.  I wanted to say that it started off randomly.  First, I had a channel geared towards preteens/teens and natural hair, but then my heart started being tugged towards speaking about my walk with God.  So, "on a whim" I started a second channel to talk about God: http://youtube.com/ChristianHousewives. 

I think about it now and laugh.  There is no randomness with God.  Nothing is coincidence.  He had me start that second channel for his purposes, not mine.  My very first video, is about gossip and slander among believers in the church systems.  Now, the videos I make are more spirit led.  I'm often talking about what God tells me to prepare people for or to warn others about.  When I think about slander and gossip now, yes, it's a troubling topic within the physical church.  Yes, it can ruin your reputation and hurt your feelings, but really it's minor.  Compared to getting our hearts right to be saved from the wrath to come, i'd say YES, that topic was good but absolutely meaningless!  Too often, we are fighting about the wrong things.  Really, there should be no division among us, but sadly there is.  This means, Satan and his gang win many battles.  Thanks be to God that the enemy DOES NOT win the final war though!

I am a follower of Christ 100% and have no alliance to Satan and his evil army, but we must admit that the enemy IS smart.  If you think otherwise, you're lying to yourself.  If you don't think the enemy is smart, then how is it that we continue to be baited by their schemes?  Be aware that the enemy has had more time to prepare for these battles than those of us who are now awake have had.  God is not asleep during all this though.  Our Almighty will use the enemy to take out God's enemies!  So, (by the will of God, but) by the hand of the enemy, here are two battles the enemy WILL win:

Mystery Babylon (Revelation 17:5) and the Daughter of Babylon (Isaiah 47:1) will BOTH FALL.

Right now, we are in 2012 and these two things will happen within our lifetime.  And, I don't mean like 20 years from now.  I mean these things will happen as close as within three years from today.  2012-2015 will be a very ugly time period for Mystery Babylon and it's daughter.  However, during these years, protection will be provided by Yahweh (God) for those who are listening to and following Yashua (the voice of Jesus Christ, the Lamb) out of the places He is calling you out of.  If we chose to NOT come out of the places He calls you out of, then that my friends is an EPIC FAIL!  It is far better to follow the Holy Spirit even without understanding than to follow the traditions of man and what you're used to.  King Solomon said, "The labour of the foolish wearieth every one of them, because he knoweth not how to go to the city. (Ecclesiastes 10:15)"  Do not hold to your "works" in Mystery Babylon.  These things will prove to be rubbish to the Lord.  Many will say "Lord, Lord."  And our Lord Jesus Christ will say he doesn't know you.  Remember, we are to lean NOT on our own understanding or on the works of our own hands and imaginations.

 

 

Well, this concludes part one of this discussion, I will write more as soon as I can.

Strange Groom and Groomsmen Dream

My husband and I sat behind the groom. The groom turned around to say he wanted a picture of himself and his ex girlfriend. I showed him my camera and agreed to take pictures for him. I took pics of the mother of the groom or bride. She was dressed in white. I walked up a side aisle trying to get a good shot of the groom coming down the wedding aisle. People ushered me up saying, "Go up there." So I could get better pictures. I got to the front and took a pic of the groom. He came close to me and I reached out to give him a hug but he ignored me. I felt embarrassed but kept taking pics of the rest of the wedding party. In my mind, the pics were not coming out good to me. And the men (not bridemaids, it was men) coming down the aisle all seemed deformed. The only woman i saw at the wedding was the mother.

When I woke up it was 4:08am. I heard the words, "crash and burn".

I asked about this dream and the words and the Spirit led me to Ezekiel 20:45-49 and then Ezekiel 21.

Then I was given Nehemiah 9. Why did I dream of a deformed wedding party and a groom that wanted a picture with his ex girlfriend?

 

 

Dream Meaning

A sister interpretted this for me. She said:

The groom is false. He does not “love” the bride (this is why he asks for a picture of his ex). This is showing the false wedding of the Churches. You took pictures of the “mother” which is a church that “births” children. Did you know that all major religions still give their allegiance to the Pope? The men were deformed, because they did not walk in the true ways of the Father. Pictures appear like a “screen”, but there is no light. They are “images”. Men will fall because they worship images and not the true Light. These pictures (images) will be burned as even the earth will be rolled up like a scroll. The images are Men (teachers). Check out Nehemiah 9:18-19.

Yea, when they had made them a molten calf, and said, This is thy God that brought thee up out of Egypt, and had wrought great provocations;

Yet thou in thy manifold mercies forsookest them not in the wilderness: the pillar of the cloud departed not from them by day, to lead them in the way; neither the pillar of fire by night, to shew them light, and the way wherein they should go.

You woke up and heard the words “crash and burn”. Remember, the Churches will be judged. People will be trapped within them. They will also be the vehicle by which true believers are persecuted (as the synagogues in the days of Acts persecuted believers).

In regards to Ezekiel: the fire is kindled in the forest (not Yisrael). Remember the King of Babylon, Nebuchadnezzar. He built a “fiery furnace” for those who did not bow to the Image (him)—the firey furnace was my favorite tale growing up. Jerusalem was the physical City and was judged. Now, we have a spiritual City: Mystery Babylon. This is speaking of the City (Mystery Babylon). “She”, in Revelation, shall be “burned with fire”. The churches (Babylon) where the Temple vessels were taken will crash and burn. The Vessels (believers) will be taken FROM Babylon and the True Temple (Body of Yashua) “rebuilt”. When He speaks of Yisrael, He means the Hebrew (the blood of Abraham) people in the churches which will be taken out of the City.

In Nehemiah 9 the fourth (1/4) refers to the four corners of the earth. This means from the “ends” of the earth. The true children will be gathered from the ends of the earth.

Nehemiah is about the “rebuilding” of the True Temple (not made with hands). It says they “separated themselves”. This means they are taken out of the world and Babylon, made holy unto Yahweh. They then pray and fast and mourn (don sackcloth). Yahweh is ready to take His people out of Egypt.

Museum Dream

I had this dream December 2011

Outside, I walked up a brightly lit, sun filled path.  I followed the path and went up some steps that led inside a place into a greath hall.  It was kind of like a spacious museum.  From the great hall, I saw a door to a room.  I peered into this room.  Inside the room, I saw a great labyrinth.  Inside the labyrinth were marble looking dark bronze and darkish looking statues.  Some were greek mythology monsters.  They began to move and all of a sudden they were coming out of the labyrinth and into the great hall.  The shadowy dark statues began to walk among the people that were in the great hall of the museum.  I was very afraid.  Then I woke up.

Dream meaning

A brother interpretted this for me.  He said:

The Gates of Hell are opened. What I saw is from beyond this creation. These deities (statues) are entering because of the evil of those who have sacrificed and summoned them. There will be a time where these "images" and "idols" will actually move and possess those who bow to them.

The labyrinth was to keep them from this world. But now the dam is broken and the rivers of spirit will rise up. There is more to the enemy than has been taught. Pray together in strength and faith. Pray for our brothers and sisters. Many who have been shown the truth are being spiritually assaulted. Hold fast.

Pay Attention to Dreams

 

The Lord gives me prophetic dreams alot and sometimes I can interpret them.  The times that I am not able to interpret them, I pray and ask for guidance of the Holy Spirit of Truth.  After I ask the Spirit to help me, I am then either led to scripture or I must wait.  Still other times I ask other brothers and sisters in the Lord to help me figure out the meaning of a dream. It's a great way to warn each other, help each other, and stay connected in the Lord.  No man is an island so to speak.

Do not think that it is sin to get the meaning of a dream.  It is actually biblical to have dreams given by the Lord and interpretted.  That ocurred with Joseph (Genesis 40:8), Daniel (Daniel 2:19, Daniel 27-30), and even Jesus' earthly father, Joseph (Matthew 2:13). 

And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh;

and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy,

your old men shall dream dreams,

your young men shall see visions:

And also upon the servants and upon the handmaids

in those days will I pour out my spirit. - Joel 2:28-29

In a dream, in a vision of the night,

when deep sleep falleth upon men,

in slumberings upon the bed;

Then he openeth the ears of men,

and sealeth their instruction - Job 33:14-16

If you are warned of something in a dream, you NEED TO FOLLOW THAT WARNING!  Remember when Mary was pregnant with Jesus?  Joseph was constantly warned in dreams to leave places and to go to other areas.  Why?  Because Herod wanted the messiah DEAD!  If Joseph had not listened to the warnings in his dreams where would that have left him, Mary, Jesus and US ALL?  Read Matthew chapters 1 and 2 to see how often Joseph was spoken to in his dreams!  Dream warnings are NOT limited to the bible.  We must realize that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  What we are warned of in dreams, we must receive, and follow.

Some of us are warned in visions.  This happened to Zachariah, the father of John the Baptist (Luke 1:22).  In a vision we will see things appear before our eyes while we are AWAKE.  Peter, James, and John were taken on a mountain and they saw Jesus transfigure before their eyes.  Jesus said to them afterwards, when Moses and Elijah had disappeared and when Jesus' had returned to his "normal" self:

Tell the vision to no man, until the Son of man be risen again from the dead.

 - Matthew 17:9 

 Sometimes we can also be awake and then get very drousy.  When we're drousy, we are then led into a sleep in order to have a vision (Genesis 15:12, Daniel 10:9) Other times, we may see something we saw in a dream be repeated in real life.  This is extra confirmation that the dream from the Lord is true and will come to pass.  Think of Peter when he had a vision about the sheet coming down from heaven.  Remember that? (Acts 10:9-16).  Peter's vision was shown to him three times.  All these things have happened to me before.  I used to think I was crazy until I studied it out for myself in the bible.  These things DO happen and it happened to people in the bible before I was even born.  It's just the way the Lord works.  I've also had dreams repeated to me three times.  Three times means it's very important.

Lastly, just as some can see things spiritually in dreams and visions, we can also HEAR things.  The best example of this is by the Holy Spirit which talks and warns all the time.

Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come,

he will GUIDE you into all truth:

for he shall not SPEAK of himself;

but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he SPEAK:

and he will SHOW you things to come. - Acts 16:13

Now, with that said, be sure that you are going to the Lord for your interpretation and NOT to the world.  It IS SIN to get help from psychics, medians, divination, and the like.  Magic DOES exist (Exodus 8:6-7) and we are to STAY AWAY from it and we are NOT to practice it.  Do not participate with people in the practice magic and/or the like.  God forbids it.  Not only that, if you have not tested the spirit in someone, you could be led astray.  False prophets have gone out into the word and will teach you all sorts of fallacies.  Deception is still deception even if it's sutle.  So beware.

She... Has Returned

Wow.  It's been a whole year since i've written anything.  My heart hadn't even produced rhymes (raps). But last night, I heard a beat and all of a sudden I started writing a rhyme.  And this morning, I was led to write here too.  A few sisters had requested that I write again.  I've thought about it, held it in mind, but I wasn't really moved towards it.  Now... I am.  Amen Lord.

For all those new to this blog, I need to start with what's important in these times.  My good confession!  You and I need to start testing the spirits (ESPECIALLY now).

Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God:

because many false prophets are gone out into the world.

Hereby know ye the Spirit of God:

Every spirit that confesseth that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh

is of God:

And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh

is NOT of God:

and this is the spirit of the antichrist,

whereof you have heard that it should come

and even now already is it in the world.  - 1 John 4:1-3

It doesn't matter how long someone has said that they've been a Christian.  What matters is the confession.  What matters is the obedience to how Jesus Christ said we should be saved.  Jesus said:

Verily, Verily, I say unto thee,

Except a man be born again, he cannot see the Kingdom of God...

Verily, Verily, I say unto thee,

Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit,

he CANNOT enter into the kingdom of God.

That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit...

Whosoever believeth in him (Jesus) should not perish,

but have everlasting life...

He that believeth on him is not condemned:

but he that believeth not is condemned already,

because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. - John 3

Jesus himself told us how to enter in to the Kingdom of God.  And Peter, whom Jesus gave the keys of the Kingdom to, said,

Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ

for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. - Acts 2:38

These things I have done.  I have been a Christian now for 10 and a 1/2 years now and here is my confession:

I was born again of water and Spirit in 2001.

Jesus (Yashua) is the Messiah who was to comet.

The Son of God (Yahweh), Jesus the Messiah,
humbled himself and came to us in the flesh.

Jesus died for my (our) sins and then rose from the dead on the 3rd day.

Jesus, the son of God, is my Lord and Savior.

"Wherefore I give you to understand, that no man speaking by the Spirit of God calleth Jesus accursed: and that no man can say that Jesus is the Lord, but by the Holy Spirit." - 1 Corinthians 12:3

So, that is my good confession.  It is also a test for you to use on others in order to protect yourselves in these last days.  Scriptures says that false prophets have gone out into the world:

And I saw three unclean spirits like frogs

come out of the mouth of the dragon,

and out of the mouth of the beast,

and out of the mouth of the false prophet.

For they are the spirits of devils,

working miracles,

which go forth unto the kings of the earth and of the whole world,

to gather them to the battle of that great day of God Almighty. - Revelation 16:13-14

These things have and will happen.  I had a dream in which I saw two giant frogs which were later replaced by men.  Beware.

Zombies vs Humans

res·cue to free or deliver from confinement, violence, danger, or evil. *********

If the whole world were full of Zombies and only two of you were humans, which side's behavior would be seen as civilized?  Maybe the world started off as being fully human, but now it's down to the two of you.  Can you as the minority then really question the actions of the majority?

I used to be a Zombie.  Although I was dead, I walked around as if I was alive.  I chomped on the brains of those who were not like me.  I believed that it was best for them to become zombies too.  It's what I was taught, it's what I believed, it's what I lived for.  And, it was even my decision to become a Zombie in the first place.  But, something changed me.  I didn't know what changed me at the time, but it came and it hit me hard.  I converted from a Zombie back into a human and I was stunned. 

You see, the eyes of a zombie are open, but they do not truly see because everything is foggy.  And, instead of taking the time to figure out what is in front of them, they go instead by what is told to be around them by others.  Before I changed back into a human, I had not used my eyes correctly for many years.  So when they first un-fogged they hurt me badly.  In the new world I saw things that I wasn't ready to see yet.  And, new found emotion crippled me for a while.  It was hard for me to run into former Zombies and hear what they'd been through to escape the other living dead.  Some Zombies described how they were taken advantaged of and abused.  Not only did those abused Zombies chomp on the brains of outsiders but apparently, they had their brains chomped on by each other too.  After enough body parts had been gnawed off, they decided to break free.  It was heart breaking to see myself in their stories because just as I had been chomped on by others, I too had chomped on my fellow living dead.  How could I have chosen such a life and felt so good about it?

I think I chose to be a Zombie in the first place because I was promised freedom.  They promised me freedom from the consequences of being human.  But, now that I'm not a Zombie anymore, I realize that I did not live in freedom at all.  It was a mirage.  It was really like living in M. Night Shyamalan's "The Village".  The elders in that movie thought it was best for the villagers to be separated from the outside world.  Some things were great about that village.  They all were taken cared of and they had a strong sense of each other... but beyond that they were deceived.  In actuality it was a false sense of security.  They thought that if they left that place there would be death.  That was not true.  Beyond the fear tactics and boundaries of that place was freedom and the reality that their world was theirs alone.  Nothing more.  The controlling "love" of the elders was nothing but damaging.  And in the end, the two villagers that did escape found out that the "family" of people they had been around were not who they seemed to be.  They really didn't know each other or their environment as much as they thought they had.

So, for all of you who are still Zombies, is it wrong for me to feel concerned for you?  Is it wrong for me to speak up about wanting for you to be rescued too?  So far, it hasn't been okay to talk to you about that because the majority of your mindsets cancel out the minority of ours.  Any mention of the clear abuse and worldly actions taken against you in your world provokes anger in you and sets up your defenses.  You simply don't want to hear plausible things about your culture that needs to change.  Or, if you do see the mirage around you and you do speak up about it, the Zombie rulers boomerang complaints right back at you as if you deserve any maltreatment you receive.  Either way, Zombies, you're stuck.  One day then maybe things will be different... actually here and there I do see hope.  In this week alone, I have learned that three Zombies have chosen to convert back to being humans on their own accord.  It was surprising to find out and I'm over-joyed for them.  It's been great talking to those old friends again.  I hope we are all able to heal from what we've been through and that someday more of our Zombie family will join us.  Until then, I can only hold on to hope as I move on and try to live my new human life.  And... if you can find it in your heart to believe me, this new life has been worth finding.

Ned Flanders' Dilemma

Flanders grew up in New York and was the son of "freaky beatniks" who did not discipline Ned and let him run wild. Eventually they took him to Dr. Foster, a psychiatrist, who put the young Ned through the University of Minnesota Spankalogical Protocol, which involved eight months of continuous spanking. The treatment worked so well that it rendered Flanders unable to express any anger at all and resulted in his trademark nonsensical jabbering at moments when he was particularly close to losing his temper, causing Ned to unknowingly repress his anger.

*************

I suspect a great number of people who practice and live out Christianity are not very assertive.  To be assertive isn't to say you are mean or rude. It doesn't make you pushy or annoying. It just means that you speak truthfully with a confidence that doesn't resort to aggression or arrogance.  Assertiveness is often linked to self esteem. (Good info on how to be assertive: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Assertive)

Wikipedia says:

"Assertive communication consists of sharing wants and needs honestly in a safe manner. This presumes respect for the boundaries of oneself and others, which boundaries include the physical self, possessions, and relationships. It also presumes an interest in the fulfillment of needs and wants through cooperation."

While Jesus was assertive, his modern day followers tend not to be.  We are called to imitate his character and yet that trait tends to get lost in the shuffle.  Is it because we view Jesus as a mat to be walked on by others?  Do we see Jesus as someone who walked around saying "yes" to everyone and every request?  Actually he did not say "yes" to everything.  He even says in Matthew 5:37, "All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." When Jesus confronted the religious leaders for their mistreatment of the flock, was he out of his mind on those days?  If he was, should we ignore that the majority of the time Jesus spoke up for others and even for himself?  If we didn't learn passiveness from Jesus, where then did we learn not to stand up for ourselves?

While Ned Flanders soars at being an ideal good natured citizen in Springfield, his Christianity lacks assertiveness.  Therefore, when Homer Simpson gets under Ned's skin, Ned pushes his hurt under many deeper layers of skin.  Every now and then you see Flanders twitch and flinch, but rarely do you see him honestly say, "Hey Homer, what you did hurt my feelings."  His chronic "niceness" actually hurts him.  This is how we can be as well.  It's almost as if to speak up for yourself or to admit being hurt is an unwritten sin.  And, if someone among you does express that they are hurt, it is assumed that the person is bitter.  This unhealthy way of suppressing anger (an emotion given to us by God who gets angry himself), hurt, or sadness can lead to depression and even trigger mental illness in the church.

A remedy to let go of repressed feelings is to take the time to uncover your emotions and truly work out forgiveness.  This process can take some people time and effort to do, but it's worth it.  I say "work out" forgiveness because I've seen the word "forgiveness" tossed around too carelessly in the church.  Too many people throw this word around and expect you to submit under "the phrase" without taking the time to properly resolve things.  The truth is, there are some situations that need more than just a few minutes to think through.  Yes, we need to forgive each other as the bible says, but we also need to be honest with each other.  If you need some time to work out your forgiveness in a situation, you should clearly express that and not feel bad about it.  Otherwise, things that need to be done differently in the church towards the flock will not change.  I'm not saying, "do not forgive", but I am saying take your time to make sure forgiveness is properly done.

For example, you pretending that you're not hurt because you keep getting overlooked in the distribution of benevolence funds will not correct the situation in your church community and it won't correct the situation in your heart.  Being assertive about the problem gets things solved as it did in Acts 6:1-7 when widows were being overlooked for food.  The solution for that problem is probably how the first deacons ended up appearing in the first century church.  But, if you express your complaint about the unfair distribution of funds to a leader and the leader then calls you bitter and tells you that you need to forgive the fault, how is anything being solved?  The leader should instead hear the complaint, acknowledge that what the person has to say is valid, work out a plan for things to change, and THEN work with the person to forgive the church for it's mistake.  Don't be so quick to pull out the "YOU NEED TO FORGIVE" card for every situation and then ignore the process of change.  It's just not that black or white and that kind of thing hurts the church as a whole.

While writing this entry, I see how closely intertwined NOT being assertive may lead to repressed anger and trouble with truly forgiving others as Jesus asked us to do.  That may not be the case with everyone, but what if it is with you?  Does being chronically passive or passive aggressive mean that your unknowingly being deceitful to yourself and to others?  Our Lord's assertiveness then needs to become a character trait that we imitate more.  Jesus calls us to become like little children and I dare say that most kids are more assertive than adults.  Some children get so carried away with it that they then even walk all over adults too.  This shouldn't be.  If not to advance God's kingdom, then being assertive needs to be a tool to heal the state of our hurting churches today.
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"Merely ignoring our terrible memory of a hurtful act isn't forgiveness; it's only suppression of anger. Suppression of anger leads to depression but genuine forgiveness clearly sees the offense and then forgives it by withdrawing the penalty. It's natural to deal with our anger by suppressing our negative memories, but it's supernatural to remember them clearly and renounce our right to revenge. Revenge must be left in the hands of the only One who is always objective and just. "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written." Our negative thoughts and emotions such as bitterness and anger can become like a virus to our mental health, but forgiveness is like a firewall on negative thoughts which if left to infect, can so easily lead to depression." - Merri Ellen Giesbrecht

Thorns...

Sometimes I forget that I'm disabled.  I think people who know that about me forget that too. They kinda expect me to be ON all the time... I kinda expect that of myself too.  It's probably because I'm highly functional on the days that I'm well.  I love being creative and carrying out grand schemes.  I love teaching children, caring for them and making them feel special.  I love rapping, acting, performing, and traveling. I enjoy taking care of others and being there for people.  But, all those things take alot of energy out of me.  I push and perservere and sometimes I get home just fine... But somedays, like the wind, my unseen illness sneaks up on me and I'm out of energy and ready to collapse.  When it's my turn to be taken cared of, not many are around and some people are even bitter because I appeared to have left them in THEIR time of need. 

I don't really answer my cell sometimes because it takes way too much energy to carry on a full conversation.  It's much less energy to text someone instead from my bed.  Not everyone's into text messages though.  I miss one friend very much, but sometimes she calls way too late and i'm drained by the time I see that she has.  She and I have been having a text relationship for months.  Sad face.  By the way, I have developed this weird pain in the center of my right hand... so texts and typing have become bothersome now too.  Sad face again.

Other times, I'm out helping others and can't even get to my phone.  You can find me being there for others at court, at the hospital, in a shelter, at a church, etc. If i'm well and there's an immediate need, I'm on it.  I believe these things are what Jesus would have wanted.  To serve and love others because by that, people would have known God's love through you.

Today though, i'm really drained.  I was in a great mood outside earlier.  I tried to accomplish something that I've wanted to do for a long time, but all of sudden my mood dropped.  I got all hot and my energy left me.  Hours later, right now, I'm still lethargic.  I'm still in bed.  I've been on leave from my job for a year now (time flies) and I'm still not well.  Sometimes, I'm so fed up with me and annoyed that I don't have energy.  I just want to drift away and disappear.

It doesn't help either to have been dropped by so many from the church I used to go to. My inner circle of friends truly proved to be a shallow lot.  I recently cleared off my friends list on facebook because it was really causing me to struggle.  The last straw was one sister who admitted she purposely did not contact me for months because of her assumptions.  Nine years of being in a church, being devoted, being there for others, and now I'm like a stranger to many.  I pray that God helps those people to learn how to truly love others as He and his Son did.

Anyways, I HATE HATE the thorns in my side.  When I'm done feeling bad though, I acknowledge that maybe God wants others to care for me now just as I've cared for others in the past.  My fiance has been really great at that and I'm grateful to have him in my life.  My daughter is a light too as well as my blood sister.  Still, I have to slow down and rest.  Maybe that's why Jesus took all those times away from his demanding schedule to be with God alone.  Even he needed to recharge.

Engaged too soon?

When I was younger, it was my firm conviction to never ever be married!  If you ask my cousins, they can vouch for me on that.  It's just that I saw among friends and family, that marriage seemed to be about arguing, yelling, hitting, and cheating.  And, in the mist of witnessing glass bottles being cracked on a spouse's head and seeing wives running away for safety, it seemed like no one considered divorce.  I mean, sometimes people would threaten it, but no one would go through with it.  So, for me, marriage seemed like a cruel trap.  Once you're in, people could change for the worse and there was no way out.

At nineteen, when I studied the bible and became a Christian, I saw for the first time in my entire life, a woman openly kiss her husband on the lips.  This woman got me my first corporate job.  We worked together and everyday her husband would pick us up from the train station and drive me home on the way to their house.  Everyday, he kissed his wife hello.  I looked forward to our daily conversations in the car because they were filled with love, laughter, jokes, and sometimes relaxed questions about theology.  I had never seen a married couple get along the way they did and I had never seen a couple display love like that.  It made me see that not all marriages had to turn sour, but still in my heart I was afraid of marriage.  I didn't want to choose the wrong guy and end up like the couples I had grew up around.

After going steady several times in church, and even experiencing someone cheating on me in the church, I had an even harder time commiting to being in a relationship.  But, i've since come to realize that people, whether Christian or not, are not sinless.  There is no utopia church and there is definately no perfect mate.  God handmade Eve for Adam.  She of all people should have been the perfect mate.  Yet, she got duped by Satan and as a result, both she and Adam had to leave the garden of Eden.  The perfect "soulmates" were actually imperfect simply because they were human.

So, being married isn't about finding the perfect person.  Instead, it's about commitment.  People outside of the western culture actually get "engaged" to people they've only known for a month.  This happens through family (Northern Indian culture: Read more: http://www.dateculture.com/dating/dating-and-marriage-customs-in-northern-india/) and even through religion (Islam: Read more: Dating in Islam | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_4614220_dating-in-islam.html#ixzz135zvhHey) 

In biblical times, men chose a bride after only seeing her for a day.  I guess it was marriage at first sight then.  All of these couples had to figure out love AFTER the marriage and they had to make it work not through love for each other, but through commitment.  They made a conscious decision to uphold marriage before God, their family, and each other.  No matter how young, brides did not want to disgrace their families.

And, in all these cultures, dating before marriage can be considered worldly.  Instead, if you have some freedom (Nigerian culture) you are to court each other with the intention of marriage.  Dating in other cultures is not for recreation, it is with the intent of marriage.  Mainly because, the more time you have together in dating, courting, or being engaged, is the more risk you take in being sexually active.  To be married sooner is a way of protecting your purity and/or virginity.

So, in regards to being engaged after a nine month period of knowing my fiance, I am not worried.  Within these months, he has been there for me through the toughest of times and transitions.  He has supported me, helped me with my daughter when I was in the hospital, hit it off with my family, guided me through hard decisions, and has loved me unconditionally even when I get on his last nerve.  During this time, i've also been able to see him at his worst and it has not scared me away.  I have made a conscious decision to be committed no matter what.  Before we got to know each other, I wrote down on a piece of paper the things that I would like and the things I wouldn't.  There were only four negative things I didn't think I'd like.  But, the positive list kept going on and on.  In the past nine months, the four negative things have played out in his character, but they aren't things that I'm unwilling to live with.  I love him anyway.  And, I know there are things about me that he can't stand, but he still walks by my side anyway.  This is commitment.  This is the action of love. (Sometimes you really won't be able to live with certain things, so consider the negatives before you get deeply involved with someone!)

Well, this entry, as my daughter pointed out, has been getting long.  Lol.  There is much more I've learned and studied out and have lived out in this matter, but I will not write it here.  If you have questions about this topic though, please feel free to comment here.  Much love to you all.

Ignorant

Coming from my daughter's soccer game yesterday, we were crossing the street to go home.  Coming towards us, also crossing the street, was a leader from our old church.  He looked directly at us.  My face brightened and I was about to say hello but he turned his head and just walked right by us.  My daughter immediately said,

Daughter: Hey, I know that guy.
Me: I know, he goes to our old church.
Daughter: Yeah.  He looked right at me and didn't say anything.
Me:  I know, that's not nice.

My daughter was pretty much thinking what I was thinking.  Why did he do that?  I could see if you don't really know me, but he knew who I was.  Not only did I used to perform all over the church but this Bronx leader and his wife actually sat in my living room before.  He even had somewhat of a relationship with my daughter's father.  So, for him to do that yesterday was really bothersome. 

This is the second time that this has happened to me.  A sister from the church who was in my last bible group saw me a while back and she just walked by without a word.  I saw her just in time to see her passing.  I emailed her about it and she said that she did see me and that she was sorry she didn't say anything.  I'm really bothered by this kind of behavior because as your sister in christ, something as kind as a "hello" doesn't hurt anyone to say.  We don't have to carry on a huge drawn out conversation or anything.  It's just polite to acknowledge that we know each other.  When I see people in the street who go to my old church, I say hello and I even openly hug them because I'm truly happy to see people.  In christ, we are still related.  So, maybe you don't agree with me not being in your church anymore, but that doesn't mean that now you shun me.  Even His Majesty's son ate with "sinners".

I was reading a recent article that a christian wrote and he said that when he told his fellowship that he was leaving church to move down south, people had a hard time.  He said people were disappointed and asked things like, "Why are you leaving?  Don't you love us, don't you love it here?"  He expressed to them that he did love them, but that God had called him to relocate and he had to listen to God.  "When God tells you to go (or stay), only a selfish fool would do contrary!"  He spoke to the pastor and asked for their blessing.  Amen.  That is what I tried to do when I was leaving my old church.  With the same heart as this man, I had spoke to a leader about me leaving.  I knew the conversation would probably be tough, but I was seeking to leave the right way.  God had called me to move from the church, but instead of a blessing I got stones thrown at me.  The first leader I spoke to said, "That's just Satan talking to you.  That's just Satan telling you to leave."  Imagine if Abraham would have thought something like that when God spoke to him and told him to move?  Abraham didn't even know where he was going, but he got up and left.  And the Lord credited it to him as righteousness.

A lot of my friends, spoke in the same way as that leader and some friends were even disgraceful with their actions towards me.  Some have apologized to me since then, and some have not.  Some still treat me horribly.  A sister who used to be close to me looks at me with disgust everytime I bump into her.  I say "Hello" to her anyway each time, but honestly it hurts.  Even her daughter sees me and doesn't even say hi.  It's extra hurtful because she and her daughter even lived in my home for a while because they had no where else to go.  Honestly, now that I'm getting married, I'm glad that I'm moving out of my area so that I don't have to be treated like that anymore.  It's just sad to see all this happen in a place called a church.

I understand that you love people and want them to stay with you, but if God talks to someone, that person needs to listen to God first and not to people.  When pharisees told Peter to be quiet in the book of Acts, he said, "Who should I follow?  Man or God?"  Jesus promised us a Counselor in the Holy Spirit.  I think christians need to tap into that guidance and stop holding on to the man made rules and traditions of their churches.  Stop putting God in a box.  And, if someone tells you God is speaking to them, do not kick them down.  I don't understand how in a bible full of God speaking to people, that christians don't think the same thing is possible in our time.  And I don't understand, with Jesus as our example, how people can treat their own brothers and sisters so poorly.  It's been so hard to be patient with people through all this, but I'm getting better.  I just want you all to know that this kind of thing hurts my feelings and now that you've read this, hopefully you won't treat others this way in your fellowship.

Light of the Land

This blog was once entitled, "Wandering Stars".  (See the entry 'Wandering Star', Oct 4th, 2010).  During service on Sunday however, I was inspired to change the whole set up.  This Sunday, I had made up my mind that I would give my all to His Majesty.  I would truly give service a chance without holding back or criticizing anything.  Then, right after some great opening singing, a woman in the audience stood up and started talking to the whole fellowship.  She said, "Stop your wandering, stop your searching..." I was like, "WHAT?!"  First, I couldn't believe she stood up like that and, second, everything she said seemed to be directed to me.

So, with that said, out of joy and love for His Majesty, I've changed the direction of this blog!  I'm no longer a wandering star.  I will still be in the sky, but I will remain in one spot and let my light shine.  Maybe wandering stars who are still out there will see this light shining and drift toward me.  I would welcome that for sure.  On this journey, I've made some great friends.  Some attend two churches at once.  They go to one service in the morning and a second service somewhere else at night.  Wow.  And, then I found some believers who don't attend a church at all, but are happily engrossed in His Majesty's Word and love.  Their lives speak for themselves!  They all were devoted to the Lord.  Without rambling, I'm just happy with all my new friends.  It lights up my heart to see so many people out there living for His Majesty genuinely and daily.  And, whether I attend their church or not, they are still my friends and we hang out and have a great time together.  That feels really nice.  I also learned that whether I had a home church or not, His Majesty was still with me and in me.  He never left me.  And, as that woman who stood up on Sunday also said, "God is the same, He hasn't changed."  To me that meant, whether I am in my old church or not, my Majesty never changed towards me.

So, people, after five months of wandering, I have found a great place of fellowship!  The pastor there is already loving, understanding, and approachable.  The believers are warm and welcoming and my daughter LOVES her new friends and Sunday class.  Yay!  And, even though I've finally found a place to call home, I'm not going to end this blog just yet.  I'm still going to be writing about what i've been learning in my walk with His Majesty.  The ups and the downs.  So be ready and stay tuned...

No shades on in the classroom please

I've observed that some stars walk with sunglasses on 24 hours a day.  Not only does it make them look cool, but it also allows all other stars to appear dim.  The walk of a shaded star is intact, but yours of course is in question.  No matter what you say, you're on the brink of being sermonized.

BDMember: The weather today is just right.
Dim star: Dude, it's a hail storm.
BDMember: Be careful.  If God wants it to hail storm then that's what He wants.
Dim star: I'm not doubting God's choice, i'm just pointing out that it's not the best of weather.
BDMember: (walking away) I'll be praying for you.

Not even His Majesty's Son carried on like that and he had a right to be a know-it-all.  Instead, He did things like wash crusty dusty dirt covered feet.  He did it out of love and then told us to go and do the same.  He didn't sit there and point out everything that He viewed as wrong coming from someone's life, but He instead challenged us to serve one another.  Through your heart, the whole world would know that you were truly His disciples.  But, if your heart screams criticism towards others, how are we getting the message that God loves us and offers us grace?

His Majesty's Son even got close enough to a cemetary outcast whom everyone else had given up on.  He delivered that man from bondage.  That man, otherwise known as "Legion" went on to preach to ten cities on his own.   "Legion" wasn't followed on the preaching journey.  There was no right way to do things, no censorship in whatever it was that "Legion" was saying, and no law to abide by.  Instead, "Legion" went and told the world about his conversion story and how much His Majesty had done to change him.  There were no bright stars in sunglasses looking down on him constantly reminding him of where he came from.  No sunglassed folks setting unrealistic standards for where he needed to be.  His Majesty's Son loved him, delivered him, worked with him, and trusted him enough to send him out to the world on His Father's behalf.

The truth is we are all dim in one way or another.  We might excel in one thing, but we still have to learn new things in other areas.  Even the apostle Paul said he hadn't arrived yet and he was actually responsible for the majority of the writings in the Bible's New Testament.  So... are you down?  If you have invested in them, can you please take your shades off?

Wandering

No offense, but the church sermon today was boring.  It was like an un-interesting monologue.  A rambling on of things.  Is it okay to say this out loud?  Cause when I said it out loud today to Boyfriend, I felt like a lowest of low "fall away" or something.  I did get some points out of the message.  I did write some things down to come back to later, but honestly I wanted to nod off.  Please tell me that's happened to you before so I can feel better about myself.  And, no offense again, but I walked out of the theater and went to the bathroom where I stayed an extra long time.  Yes, I did have to use the bathroom, but honestly I didn't want to go back in to service.  When I was in my last church, I would witness teens in the bathroom chatting and fixing hair.  The girls would be hanging out nonchalantly.  One time I even saw a whole swarm of teens chilling outside of the building during service and I felt sorry for them.  (Yes, there was a valid reason I had to go outside while they were there.)  Now, I'm the one who didn't want to be in service today and I'm thrown off by it.

In better news, my daughter really loved her Sunday class today.  She's made friends and she's learning concrete things.  I'm impressed with the solid spiritual food they feed her in there and the cool conversations she tells me about.  I'm happy for her to have finally found a place where she belongs.  Now, if only a whiff of that would gravitate towards me!  Boyfriend said that I'm most likely looking for a place that resembles our last church.  I was so indignant.  I was like, "NO, I'M NOT!"  But, maybe he was right.  Just like a sister told me on my way out of the last church, "I'm not going to find a church like the one I used to be at."  When she said that to me, it really ticked me off.  Where do you get off saying something like that?  You're not in the only church out there sister.  But, boy oh boy, it sure is hard finding an alternative that I feel comfortable in.  But, maybe that's the point.  Maybe God wants me to find something completely different.  Maybe I'm supposed to help someone out here, or maybe someone out here is supposed to help me.  Either way, I'm not going back to Egypt.  I'm going to rough it out until I land in His Majesty's Promised Land.  In the meantime, I will just continue to put in the extra work it takes to remain in His word and to study things out.  Even when I'm not, God is faithful.

You're Outta Line!

In the Big Dipper congregation, the majority of members flow perfectly within the lines that make the constellation visible to the world.  But notice that there are four stars within the Dipper that have decided to float outside of the lines.  Those are the stars that seem to mess it up for everyone else.  They are out of line because they think or act outside the box.  Sometimes that's a good thing, but other times it's troublesome...

BDMember: (smh) Why is it everytime we walk somewhere, you gotta zig-zag to our destination?
Out-of-liner: Zig-Zag?  I didn't know I zig-zagged.
BDMember: Yes... you do!
Out-of-liner: Oh... Well I didn't notice.  But, I do get to where we need to go though, right?
BDMember: (rolling his eyes) Yes... hours after the fact.
Out-of-liner: (feeling hurt) But I do get there... right?  What's the big deal?
BDMember: My point is... well... I have to slow my pace down just for you to keep up with me.  And it's not just a "me" thing.  It affects all of us.
Out-of-liner:  Oh... (feeling down but hopeful) Well, I will try harder to be like you.
BDMember: (shocked)  What? I don't want you to be like me.
Out-of-liner: But you just said...
BDMember: I don't know what i'm saying, I just wish you wouldn't zig-zag!  Stop it.  It's annoying.

When someone new to the constellation zig-zags in their etiquette, it's dealt with somewhat patiently... but if you've been around for over a year, BDMs don't like zig-zags.  You should definately know better by then and should start getting in line.  If you're not getting in line, it makes everyone else look bad.  Why is Miss Zig Zagger late for service?  Oh, she had to wait for her visitor.  Ok.  But now why is Miss Zig Zagger talking so much during service?  Oh, she has to answer her visitor's questions.  Ok.  Now, why is Miss Zig Zagger getting up during service?  Oh, she has to take her visitor's baby outside to change her.  Ok.  Why, why, why?  Miss Zig Zagger, your causes are noble, but you're distracting me too much from the service.  Please, get back in line.

BDMember: Miss Zig Zagger, why is it whenever we take a constellation photo, you have to be off to the side in the pic?  You're just outta line.
Miss Zig Zagger: I'm sorry.  I guess I just get caught up in serving people.
BDMember: I know, but maybe you should do that on your own time.  Think of the rest of us and how we have to suffer for your obvious zig-zagging.  You're throwing everything off!
Miss Zag Zagger:  (self-conscious) Oh... Ok.

Miss Zag Zagger goes home and reflects on what was said to her.  Slowly but surely she does get in line... the next time her visitor comes she half lies about what time service starts so that they can be on time/somewhat early.  She then controls everything during service so that no one is bothered.  When her visitor's baby starts to cry she anxiously scoops up the child and takes her out of the service.  Miss Zig Zagger has become a professional spy.  Everything is done with precision... it's a good thing in their eyes... but as time goes by in this perfectionistic routine, she can't help but think about His Majesty's Son...  HE was ACTUALLY a passionate zig-zagger... wasn't he?

Get to the back of the bus please...

Can somebody tell me how churches came up with "thirteen" as the appropriate age for a "child" to be taken seriously for becoming a Christian?  Not a second, not a minute sooner.  You must be thirteen before they can teach you anything about how to become a Christian.  That makes my daughter an enemy of the state then because she's eleven and she has made the firm decision to follow Christ.  She's been in her bible daily along side me and when she was away for the Summer with her dad she stayed in it.  She came home from her Summer with many deep questions she wanted answers to.  Questions like, "Why did God send an evil spirit down on Saul in 1 Samuel?  Does God send evil spirits?"  It's a valid question and so were many more questions she had written down in her personal studies. 

When I asked her to explain what Isaiah 59:1-2 meant to her, she broke it down to me in innocence.  She perfectly understood it's meaning and how it would apply to her life as a Christian.  So, who am I to turn away someone from their salvation just because they don't meet the recommended age that some person set?  Years ago the separation of "teens" didn't even exist.  There was no distinction between teens and young adults.  Youngsters were groomed and trained to function as adults.  They were seen as little people perfectly capable to hold down jobs and even get married.

Okay, so yes, I'm venting here.  I'm peeved because I traveled a forty minute ride across town on a school night just so my daughter could attend a Christian youth group.  When we got there, we were turned away because she was eleven and not twelve.  We could hear in the auditorium teens cheering and having a blast but we were in the lobby explaining to the youth group leader that we indeed belonged.  Though my daughter made the decision to become a Christian on her own, I wanted her to be surrounded by peers with similar values.  She's mature for her age and understands her walk with God clearly.  But, sadly my vouch for her was hard to swallow.  The leader said I should speak to his wife instead so she could help me see that my daughter was too young to join in.  When I told his wife that we had traveled all the way there, not by car as she thought but by bus, she asked, "Isn't there a church closer to your house?"  I shook my head.  Then the couple felt bad and suggested we sit in the back since we were already there, but my daughter wouldn't be able to come back.  It would be best if she just attended Sunday class until she turned twelve next year.  Explaining once more the background of why we were there, my words fell on deaf ears.  And why in the world would you basically send "visitors" to the back of the bus?  Were we outcasts?  I left.  And, yes, like I said, I'm peeved.  Why would you turn a Christian away based on their age?  Didn't Jesus welcome even the little children?  There's even an eight year old king who followed God in the bible (2 Kings 1:1-2).  I'm super tired of legalism and silly man made rules that don't fit everyone's situation.  Why does everything have to fit perfectly in a box when God works and lives outside the box? 

Guess I get an "A" for effort though.  I'm going to visit this church again because my daughter did have a meaningful class last Sunday.  If we do decide to stay with this congregation, I suppose I can put my old teaching skills to use and help develop their preteen ministry, but honestly i'm frustrated.  It's been five months.  I have visited a lot of churches at this point and my daughter is either too old for the people's children's ministry or too young for their teen ministry.  Shake my head... I'm going to pray now and go to bed.